Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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