Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
