Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
