lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
