i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
