..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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