So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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