she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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