I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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