This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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