By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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