today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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