well I can't set my house on fire every night
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
