I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
