I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
