Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I cut my penus on the lid.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
