New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
