the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
