no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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