talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
