I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize