Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
