I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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