Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize