sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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