Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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