dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
