Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
