speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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