tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
