Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
