Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He passed out mid-signature
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
