new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
