I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
