All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize