You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
