I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
