So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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