i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
