It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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