please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
