Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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