i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize