Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
