history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
