cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
