need another drink. this is the easiest way
So drunk its hurt
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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