Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
