Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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