my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You are a genius and a whore.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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