So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize