I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
and you said cock pushups were impossible
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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