My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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