I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
