You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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