ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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