I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize