Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
