finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
