listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Pooping to opera.
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