He is such a slut. More and more my type.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize