she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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