Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Randomize
