Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
