I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
