Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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