1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
