Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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