just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
