Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
