She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
