whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
