you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
