Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
