I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
