well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
