final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
