I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
