i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
