im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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