You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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