even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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