I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
and you said cock pushups were impossible
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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