arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
