We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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