Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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