I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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