Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
