??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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