You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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