Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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