I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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