Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
