I wannas sexs uuuuu
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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