so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
