I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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