we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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