I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
