I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
