i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
