I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
