Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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