During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize