I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
