She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
