Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
