I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I will pee on everything he values.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize