My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
