I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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