you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I will pee on everything he values.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
