There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
