I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
